Review of Leadership and Self-Deception for Coaches

Do you ever have good intentions, and then not follow through with actions? LeadershipThe challenge is that this leads to self-betrayal. The example shared in this book looks at a time when two parents are in bed, and their child wakes them up crying. One parent thinks first that they should get up and care for the child, then decides not to do it. This betrayal creates a small problem. The parent first justified their inaction, and then began blaming the other parent. Imagine the impact!

5 Learning Points

1. How self-betrayal happens:

Imagine thinking about doing something for someone else, or doing something so that they did not have to do it.

Rather than getting up to do it, imagine deciding that since you did not feel like it, they could just as easily. This act is contrary to what you believe you should do. When this occurs it is necessary to justify the act. The justification of the self-betrayal distorts reality.

2. How self-betrayal puts us ‘Inside the Box’

The justification and blame build walls – four walls – a box. This box influences interactions with others. The justification and blame come out in tone and words, so that others then reacts negatively to what is said or done. The negative reaction occurs based on attitude, not actions.

3. The danger of the box

By carrying the box, a habit is developed. The box, the self-justification and blame, become characteristic. Then it becomes normal and natural to view others in a negative light and to communicate with them based on that view point. This provokes others to be in the box.

4. The power of being Outside the Box

The collusion in the box negatively impacts influence, success, and leadership.

Now imagine being outside the box. See others as people with needs and valuable contributions. This leads to treating them differently, and they react differently.

5. How to get out of the box

The influence or humanness of others opens eyes. If treated kindly by someone outside of the box, the door is open to respond in kind.

Choose to recognize the situation and open up to the possibilities, rather than focusing on self-justification and blame, and turn away from the box. Move towards a focus on what to do.

As a component of looking at what to do, begin to focus on others. See them as people with equal worth, value, needs, and contributions. This is out of the box.