Coaching Journey: What do I want?

Blog series by Joann Evans

Joann Evans holds a B.S. in microbiology and chemistry. She is also a certified Paralegal. She has 20 years’ experience in quality assurance, control and engineering in fields such as pharmaceutical, medical device, IVD, biotech and blood banking. This blog series is her journey through being coached and then earning her coaching certification.

It’s easy to keep how we feel about our lives and what we want for ourselves inside our own mind where it can be safe and non-threatening.   In a coaching session prior to coach training, my coach Cathy asked about what I “Want.” Okay, now, let’s keep this on a reasonable level, I thought after the question was asked. While I told her that I wanted a place where I can have a horse, I didn’t tell her that I would like to have a 9 million dollar ranch. At this point I’ll be happy just getting back to work and making a living. I feel like I haven’t come anywhere close to my potential, or have I? When an open ended question such as this is given it makes you contemplate EVERYTHING and then you stumble for what to tell.   The true issues I face also make me hold back and I am afraid to express myself fully. With my past experiences of how critical people can be in my professional life I find myself holding back more.

I was extremely impressed with how well Cathy was able to mirror back to me the key points I had expressed to her – that must come from coaching certification. She didn’t miss a beat for anything I said. She was very good at listening to all that I expressed. She guided visualization so that I could walk a path of what I am really seeking and how it will feel once I am there.   I think the key word here is “feel.”   She had me feel what it will be like to be where I really want to go. It’s like looking at chocolate and knowing how good you will feel while you are eating it. I had to hold back from wanting to cry because I could feel the painful and significant dichotomy of where I have been and what I actually need. I need a break. I need for life to be calm and quiet for a while. It is one thing to face challenges in life, address them, learn and then to move forward. At some point life has to return to a normal where you can come down. When I visualized a quiet mountain free of stress I felt like I could enjoy what was there and feel alive. Today, when I look at the mountains, while I do enjoy them, it’s just not the same when you are there and wanting to cry or have a heavy burden you are carrying.